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The game is an online interactive game, so once he engages in projects with his team-mates, he is stuck playing for hours. Sometimes he doesn't even take a break to sit and have dinner with me. Bottom line, I am a new live-in girlfriend, and I never imagined domestic life to be like this right in the beginning! He doesn't pay attention to me anymore. I tried talking to him about it; I tried arguing with him about it. Nothing seems to work. Every day I am getting angrier. I don't know what to do anymore. Can you help?
-Tired of Playing Games

Dear Tired of Playing Games,
Though I am more a member of the Space Invaders generation, I know how impossible it can seem to step away from those games. And, I mean, Space Invaders kind of stank, but I still couldn’t tear myself away. So I can only imagine how absorbing and engrossing a multi-player interactive game would be. It’s like, “No, I can’t come home for dinner, I’m in Norrath!”

That said, this situation absolutely cannot go on. Given his predilection, it’s unclear, honestly, why he wanted you to move in in the first place. Or maybe it went this way: When you moved in, the commitment freaked him out. Result: He escapes into EverQuest. Whatever the case, it’s clear that — right now, anyway — he’s better at bonding with avatars than with actual humans.

I know you’ve already talked — and argued — with him, but let’s give it one more shot. I think you need to look him the eye and ask him to explain, calmly but firmly, exactly what part of this arrangement seems OK to him. (He’ll probably say, in effect, “The part where I get to play my video game all night while someone else does the cooking”—so be it. You’re making a rhetorical point here.)

Then tell him what you need. Such as: “Can the two of us agree on some sort of flexible yet binding schedule, as in, you’ve got your game on Monday and Wednesday, but your girlfriend — or hello, your friends, family, other hobbies? — on the other days?” See what happens. If he’s at all amenable, that’s good, but he should still know he’s on probation. And even if he does quit the game — or play significantly less — you’ll still have some issues to deal with, such as, “What was he thinking?!” You’ll have to be the judge as to whether, even without gaming, he’s ready to handle a real relationship.

I have to admit, from what you’ve told me — and from the fact that he has been honing his virtual sword-fighting rather than his relationship skills — I’m guessing you won’t get far. And that suggests to me that this — his “addiction,” his need to escape, his frankly asocial behavior — is a bigger problem than you alone can solve with schedules or ultimatums. So don’t blame yourself if you can’t “make” him change. Instead, start packing. There’s a guy out there who, when he flies off to faraway places, will take you with him.

TheDateZone.com